A Blessed Day

On Friday, May 19, my daughter walked in her graduation ceremony. The date is worth noting in another way as it was also my mother’s birthday, and if ever there were two souls tied together and separated by a generation, it was the two of them.

My mother would have easily understood Emily’s determination in making it to this moment and understood even more how easy it would have been for her to give up on several occasions. But like my mother, she pushed past every hurdle, never gave in to the short-term, simple path and gave herself a better long-term future. It wasn’t easy for her, but nothing worth the kind of effort it takes to graduate from college is supposed to be easy.

So this makes three college graduates in my family with me the odd man out. Not making our family four-for-four in graduates will pain me for life, but I take great solace in the fact that the Missus and I always made it a priority for both of our children to get the most out of life and the most out of what their native intellect required them to do. We pushed them since kindergarten so they always believed college was not only an option but something they owed themselves to complete. Yesterday was the proof in the pudding that our strategy worked. Or should I say mostly the strategy of Mrs. Laz as my contribution was generally to act as the example of what happens when you don’t graduate (an often overlooked value, I might add).

We were all very proud yesterday and we know all of the grandparents would have been ecstatic to have borne witness to a second grandchild dressed in a cap and gown.

Because some of you couldn’t make it, I thought it might be useful to give a running diary of events with apolgies to the Sports Guy. For those who think graduations are boring, then you either haven’t been to one recently and really paid attention, or haven’t been to one with Nick.

11:45 a.m. – We leave, just 15 minutes behind schedule. I take second car and park at a Denny’s so Em can go to Arco Arena after to accept her championship ring from the Sacramento Monarchs. Predictably, I take six cell phone calls. Good thing it’s a Friday or it could have been worse.

12:10 p.m. – Mrs. Laz and the Graduate arrive at Denny’s which is adjacent to a really nice Motel 6. Mrs. Laz is accosted by someone hoping to purchase a Grand Slam Breakfast and asks for funds toward that endeavor. Didn’t know the Grand Slam came with that kind of Coke. Mrs. Laz hands over $5 and dives in my car for safety and we drive the extra mile to limited on-campus parking. Seems we should have a permanent parking place on campus by now as we paid more than $1,000 in parking tickets.

12:11 p.m. – First crisis of the day as Emily receives a call from the friend she will be sitting next to during the ceremony. Friend is in tears and saying something about a former boyfriend and his new girlfriend and how she’s come to graduation. Did I mention this was college graduation?

12:13 p.m. – Emily is united with friend. They run off to solve the problem and get in line while we look for a spot to park. Make bad judgment and go straight instead of veering left and find ourselves in a mile-long reverse holding pattern. A quick and illegal maneuver puts us back on path to find a spot that only requires a one-mile walk to the ceremony.

12:21 p.m. – We meet up with Laz Jr. and the lovely Princess Ber of the Principality of Berfunkia. Ber’s mom is also with her. I’m sent to find a program to make sure Emily’s name is there, which I would rather do than sit in the hot sun and listen to the college band tune up. Well, maybe they weren’t tuning up, just terribly out of tune.

12:22 p.m. – See Nick with blond Mohawk and colorfully painted toenails heading up the stairs at Hornet Stadium. I tell him we’re on the 22-yard-line and we exchange rude remarks.

12:29 p.m. – The ceremony is close to starting and the air of excitement is palpable. We’re offered chocolate chip cookies from Nick who brought snacks. He graduates college in June. No kidding. Laz Jr. finds Emily’s name in the program and remarks, “Huh, I guess she wasn’t lying, she really is graduating.”

12:30 p.m. – The first be-gowned students work their way down the track. The crowd is on their feet and roaring. It may be the first time there was a roar of excitement in Hornet Stadium all season.

12:31 p.m. – We are all on our feet hoping to get a look at our graduate candidates. They have to say “candidate” because not all the grades have come out yet. Finger’s crossed the “candidate” part will shortly be removed.

12:33 p.m. – The students are walking down the track and filing into a seated area in the middle of the stadium. For some reason, some of the kids have more cords and sashes around their necks than Emily. I guess we should have bought Emily some of the extra stuff but didn’t see any for sale at the stadium entrance.

12:36 p.m. – Still no Emily in sight but I come up with an idea that Nick likes for his graduation attire: due to bad eyesight, I think one of the students is wearing an airline life jacket. Nick decides a life jacket is the perfect accessory for his graduation gown and further decides that water wings will add to the ensemble. He also decides to cut a hole in the top of his cap so his Mohawk will stand out better.

12:41 p.m. – Finally! We see our graduate candidate in a group of the final 25 or so students. We wonder how they were able to assemble the students by order of grade point average so quickly.

12:48 p.m. – The students have all been seated and now it’s time for all the official blowhards to take up a lot of time explaining how this day is about the students and not about them. If true, then how about just saying, “Good job kids, come get your graduate candidate certificate and go find your parents for the required photos?”

12:49 p.m. – First sign of political correctness as the truly awful band plays the Star Spangled Banner while a woman Signs for the crowd. It would have been good to be deaf in a certain sense as the singer and the band can’t keep the same rhythm. The Signer is so far away, those with a hearing impairment should have been reminded to bring binoculars to really know what was being said.

12:51 p.m. – The President of the College of Arts and Letter and the Alphabet starts his speech about this being about the kids. He speaks for 10 minutes about this. The hearing impaired can close their eyes.

1:01 p.m. – A host of people follow to explain how this day is about the kids. However, there was one good speech by the Alumni Director and a graduate of the school. She reads through her speech like George Bush on Haldol, mumbling in slow motion. I don’t see many people rushing to join the Alumni Association but do spot a few people in the stands stealthily covering up their alumni shirts. One speaker tells the students that what they have just accomplished is only the start. I am sure there was more than one graduate candidate who asked, “Weren’t we told that in high school too?”

1:12 p.m. – There is either a second politically correct moment or just an indication of how easy it must be to get a PhD from Harvard. The College President decides to quote Shakespeare – out of context, one might add – and says “What a piece of work is a man…” Either he decided to say “a man” so as not to offend “a woman” when defining “Man” as “Mankind” or he slipped the “a man” in there because he really didn’t know the quote. I flunked English because I couldn’t quote Shakespeare accurately and even I knew he had it wrong. Give me a PhD from Harvard, I say.

1:14 p.m. – The President announces the President’s Award to some girl who majored in Harpsichord and Latin. Do they still beat up kids like this in college? She has a short speech to the kids that went something like, “Ummm, this is really neat, I, ummm, am so happy to have this really, ummm, cool award. There are so many other students, ummm, who could have won this, but, ummm, I got it instead. I guess I’m just smarter than you all. Knib High Football rules!”

1:16 p.m. – The kids are ready to file past the various school leaders, have their names read, and get their fake diplomas. The crowd is instructed to wait until the final names have been announced before leaving the stadium. This turns out to be more of a suggestion than a rule, or there were more hearing impaired in the crowd than one would suspect.

1:17 p.m. – The students start to come forward and their names are announced. The students getting their Master’s Degrees go first. This takes a lot longer than one would hope. The sun is already burning my rapidly expanding forehead and there are about 400 kids ahead of Emily who is sitting in the last row. Now I know why I didn’t graduate college. Who wants to go through this?

1:25 p.m. – I’m looking for Nick to offer some entertainment but he actually looks intrigued. A student is given a Masters for Sanskrit. Didn’t that language die out 1,000 years ago?

1:38 p.m. – Yadda, yadda, yadda. The people in the crowd begin to file out after their student’s name is called, in total breech of school policy. Although it does thin out the parking lot a bit.

1:48 p.m. – Nick has a few more cookies and starts to shout for students he doesn’t know. Laz Jr. is beginning to remember why he didn’t walk for graduation.

1:51 p.m. – Big action moment: Emily gets up from her row and walks over to a table to get a glass of water. She drinks it and returns to her seat. I get several photos of this. Only wish I had a telephoto lens on my disposable camera.

1:58 p.m. – Finally, Emily’s row gets to stand up and get in line. It’s a long line but I get the camera ready anyway.

2:06 p.m. – Emily turns the corner and is ready to take her final steps as a student and become a graduate candidate. Soon, someone will say “plastics” to her.

2:09 p.m. – We hear the woman with the hoarse voice read Emily’s name. Emily raises her hands triumphantly and we suddenly realize what we’ve waited all this time for. There is nothing fake about her hands being raised. She feels triumphant and perhaps for the first time realizes what a remarkable achievement it has been to get to this moment. She gets her fake diploma and walks back to her seat with her hands raised in the air for a bit longer. This is the picture of contentment. Even Laz Jr. begins to wonder if it would have felt this good to go through his ceremony. We’re all beaming but not as much as Emily.

2:14: p.m. – The last name is read. This kid gets the biggest cheer because now we can get to our students and get the photo op done.

2:16 p.m. – We’re told this is about the students again and told they will file out of the stadium in an orderly fashion meaning Emily will be the last to leave.

2:27 p.m. – We catch up with Emily and suggest photographs with an appropriate background. We ask her what her favorite spot on campus is. She says it’s off-campus, take the damn pictures.

2:37 p.m. – We’re in our car and out-smarting others by finding a back exit. That’s the kind of thing you can do when you have a good education.

Congratulations Emily, from all of us. We are so very proud! Special thanks to Tom for the great photos as we got nothing like this on the disposable camera.