The capper of the week came yesterday when Ali slowly and carefully came into my office to deliver the worst news of all: Diane Lane was giving up her movie career! Of course later on I found out she was only “considering” it, but even that hint of good news wasn’t enough to buck me up. Her reasons for wanting out are even suspect. She claims she wants to spend more time with her children, including her demon-spawn step kids from that Josh guy. She also said she was tired of the same old roles and coming off as an American sweetheart. Of course I support more roles for her that includes torrid scenes, but I still don’t think she should stop entertaining me, er, I mean us, just for that.The thing that worries me most is that I have been writing a novel since 1962 and I have her in mind for the lead role after it becomes a best-seller and the movie rights are bought up. So, Diane, please wait for me. I’ll even write a dirty scene in the book if that helps you change your mind. If you want, your agent could contact my agent and we could take a meeting to discuss. Of course I don’t have an agent so you can just reach me through my blog and tell me where and when to meet. Please pretend to be someone else so you don’t tip off Mrs. Laz.
With so much bad news out there, I don’t know what to expect next. It would just be my luck to hear that Clay Aiken, the heartthrob of millions of older women, had come out of the closet. No, that would be too much to bear.
8 comments:
I think you are looking at this the wrong way. This could be the sign you are waiting for! Maybe she wants to settle in a quieter city, away from Hollywood, somewhere like Carlsbad? You could be running into her at the Argyle in no time. You got to have hope! Good luck!
Like we run into Richard Dryfus? Good thinking. By the way, I am not obsessed despite what some people think.
The phone rang a number of times yesterday and then when I answered they hung up. Maybe Diane is already trying to contact you and get herself set up in Carlsbad. I will try to answer the phone with a deeper voice from now on. I just want to help you reach your goals there sweetheart.
Mrs. Laz
More bad reporting I told you first that Diane was quiting and you reported the facts incorrectly.
I am so disappointed.
Dear Disappointed,
Who are you?
Laz
Dear Laz
Your chances of meeting Diane are futal, you need more powerful drugs to complete the illusion.
Have nice dreams
I have not commented on this post due to it's "Diane" content, especially in light of the photograph in your office.
PICTURE !!
WHAT PICTURE???
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